Loss of a friend is hard. Loss of a parent is hard. Loss of a sibling is hard. But the loss of a child is described as the most painful loss imaginable.
Having an infant of my own, I can’t even begin to weigh what that would be like. The shifts that my life has made for my son this last year has the most profound experience I’ve had in my life. I cannot comprehend the enormity of the gaping hole it would leave in my life to lose him.
When you lose someone close to you, everything changes.
When people you care about lose someone close to them, everything changes again. The pain is stirred up like a cheap martini. You feel the hole and hold it as if it is your own…because it IS your own. It’s not so much that I can imagine what that feels like. I feel it. I feel them. I feel their pain, their loss, their grief.
Everything changes with traumatic loss. Why is that? Trauma and loss is universal, like love, like joy. We can’t find words because there are no words to express the deep feelings, the intensity, the enormity and we don’t need to. We see it in each others eyes. We feel it. Processing trauma and loss is a very individual process. Re-prioritizing happens in an instant. We are reminded of the Truths of life and loves and we hold on to what is truly dear to us when we are reminded what can be lost. Time is altered. We remember what matters to us.
The paradox of loss and gain. Two sides of the same coin, existing together, making the whole, in spite of the fact that you can only see one side at a time.
You HAVE to expand and contract. You have to find meaning just to pull yourself through the day. Because without trying to find meaning you would be crushed by the enormity of it all.
Traumatic loss is like the “tablecloth pull trick”. As in the tablecloth being pulled suddenly by the guy holding the end, your world feels suddenly pulled out from under you. Only all the dishes, glasses and silverware on the table go crashing to the ground, rather than rest back on the bare table, shattering into a million pieces for waiting for someone to clean up. Seeming as if it’s beyond the possibility to piece back together. Numbness washes over us and even our hearing seems muffled. The air hangs heavy, hearts hurt and tears flow for all that was said and unsaid. We feel the oneness.
He is ok, that little one. His journey complete for now. We are all forever changed for him being here and having to leave so soon. He has has brought people together. Healed wounds. Profoundly guided us and inspired us. Not a bad accomplishment for three short years on the planet.
Cry. Those tears are healing connections so needed to physically move our grief, our pain. Cleansing reminders that we are body/mind connections. One incredible manifestation of MIND. Not separate from it. Embrace the grief, feel it, look at it, explore it, name it, allow it, and it will move aside in time, allowing us to dance again with joy that takes a twirl on the dance floor.
Use life as an opportunity for awakening. Let the mind open beyond itself. Let the heart feel. What matters is right now, right here. Don’t go losing your today. I assure you, you won’t disappear.