Barking at Shadows II (continued from previous post)

ah…. the shadow of me cascading down the stairs had my dog Izzie bark at it.  She had it be whatever it was that had her bark…. Threatening and scarey, not playful and dancing as I saw in my shadow. It was no less real for her than it was for me. The same shadow in time. She barked, I laughed.

Am I barking at shadows?

I find myself constantly critical of my choices. I should have done this, I wish I did that, what was I thinking that I didn’t do this? Where has the time gone? I am barking at shadows—-of love lost, time lingered, where I’m at, where I’m not, where I could be, where I should be.  Bark bark bark.

Shadows. Real or imagined? What are my shadows?

One of the things about aging is you start to notice, like it or not, how much time you have left. Oh, I’m not old by any means…..but I am an old soul. I have always known what is up for me to do in this lifetime.  Exectution…fulfillment. So many things I want to do, I need to do and now.  Time wasted, decisions questioned, choices made, choices squandered. Is it? Is it really?  If there is perfection functioning…the principal of the universe, nothing is lost or gained. It is all as it should be, all perfect and whole…..no mistakes. Barking at shadows…nothing real. Shadows arecast in my world of language. A world made up by my interpretation..my filters, my making.

I capture on film a moment. A shadow dance.

It is not real. You can’t touch it or hold it in your hand. Each moment is completely different from the moment before and after it,  until it disappears entirely. I am grateful I am there to catch it momentarily again. and again. and again, different each and every moment….appearing and disappearing.  Witnessing those moments that exist only in my seeing. Voyeuristicly witnessing something that doesn’t exist. You can’t touch it, taste it, hear it. Like memories, it it fleeting and made up by me the seer. It is mine and only mine.

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