Damn Proust

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“We don’t receive wisdom; we must discover it for ourselves after a journey that no one can take for us or spare us.”
— Marcel Proust

And discovering it we are. We can’t help it. People tested like never before–all together and very alone. I think about national challenges we’ve faced in the past—WWII, Vietnam. Wars that tested our strength but brought us together regardless on which side of the fence you landed (Vietnam). Today’s wars feels out of our control–someone else making decisions for who knows what. Resigned, apathetic–we are realizing what governments gone wild can and will do. And we sit watching our reality shows, waiting fr the season to end. Feeling out of control and very much like the country on the playground that nobody wants to play with anymore.

What of this war? THESE wars….

In many ways it feels like we fight our own war psychologically, altho we are in the economic war all together. It’s hard to miss. We all know multiple people who have lost their jobs the past year or so–some still looking for work. We take care of ourselves because when a storm is brewing there only so many people that fit into the storm cellar, right? RIGHT? Hmmmm. We sit in our offices like cattle in a pen, hoping we are not next up the ramp. We put our lives and dreams on hold and head down, forge ahead day to day, sometime hour to hour, coming up for a breath and remembering, for me—as I sit by the lake watching my dog lick the breeze, what it used to be like when things felt simplier. I smell cut grass in the wind, hear the mmmrrrrr of the motor, and think how much of my life I had before me, as I smelled that same cut grass as a 7 year old. Wondering what will I be. What WILL I be.

I sit here today asking the same question, feeling an urgency from so many directions. For a moment I feel so much is not in my hands…so many turns…major life events…. resting on the decisions and good will of others, and I am paralyzed….for a moment…..for a MOMENT. I think I will smell grass more, and sit against a tree and think about what I want to be when I grow up.

Be kind to someone today. Look them in the eyes and let them know it’s ok to be unsure and scared. Let them know they are not alone. Call your friends and make time for them.

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