Something about money

I hadn’t eaten all day. Thinking how I wanted something to eat I started going through a menu of possibilities in my head as I drove by resteraunts and shops on my way home. Nothing captured my attention. No…um no….no…..I thought…..I drove by a bagel shop, Barbette, and then approaches the last place on my way home, Lunds, (a local small grocery store). I decided to go home without stopping for anything, in fact, not eating. This made me think–hmmm. I was hungry but still I chose to not eat.

So….What’s interesting here to me? I’ve been in places in my life, not so long ago,  where I was totally broke. To the point when I didn’t have money to stop and get food whenever I felt hungry. I thought back on that time, desperately waiting for the scraps from a friends’ sandwich.

I thought about how having money and credit to buy what I wanted, actually gave me the freedom to not spending any of it! I remember that knawing desperate feeling, loud hungry, emptying into a pit in my stomach driving me crazy with desire.

I thought how having the money to buy what i wanted actually gave me the freedom to not want anything. When I was broke I wanted IT more—-so much so that it hurt. Knowing I had a choice really changed the experience. I felt so grateful, and at the same time, so scared to be in that place again. I have decided to purge–purge and lighten the load. Sell things, give things away, consume less, enjoy more experiences. See old friends, share with them the things they have taught me.

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6 thoughts on “Something about money

  1. Hmmm, when broke, you wanted “it” more. Reminds me of a time when I had just a little food at home, and my rent was due, and I didn’t know how…or what…or when. Then I opened up the mailbox, and my tax refund check was there. Just enough to cover. And I felt overwhelmed with grace and appreciation.
    I’d like to keep the freedom to choose, and the appreciating. A spiritual practice.

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