I’ve been studying metaphysics for quite some time. I love it when I come across a book, so profoundly simple in it’s explanation of life and death. We humans like to make things so hard for ourselves. Perhaps that’s the necessary path to discover ourselves for ourselves–it is in fact–or it wouldn’t be our experience. Through death there is life, and life, whether we acknowledge it or not, is a series of events and experiences along the way to our own inevitable deaths. This invitation hanging out there for each of us. Looming like a one way ticket to an undisclosed location. We can look away for a time, deny and distract, but eventually we are face to face, looking it in the eye.
I used to be afraid of hospitals. The stale smell of them, the idea of them, the pain and uncertainty that creeps through the hallways. The smell of death crawling out of the rooms where vacant stares gripped my guts and reminded me that I too could be those eyes staring from the bed, pleading for someone to take me out to anywhere….anywhere but there.
I successfully avoided hospitals, never a stitch or broken arm as a kid to pull me there, until my best friend (and I by her side), at 25 years of age, spent a week in a coma there before dying. I was no longer a hospital…or death… virgin. Soon after, I watched many friends die from AIDS over the next several years, and a hospital was a common place to be. Watching your friends die in their 20’s and 30’s has a profound effect on how you perceive death—and life. I am no longer afraid of it. In fact, I am more afraid of life at times truth be told.
And as I experience more deaths as I live life and meet people along my way, I see more and more how small we really are in the all of it. The universe is a wide wonder, all of us making up the whole like drops of water in an ocean, and I am no longer full of myself. I am the I that is WE, nothing more, nothing less. I enjoy the sunshine on my face like the flower that stretches to the sky, taking no thought in it’s existence. Joining in wonderful manifestation of Being…..delighting in the Uni-verse–the explosion of life that creates itself everyday, regardless the human things we do to twart it.
NEXT POST: An excerpt regarding death from the book “The Art of Racing in the Rain” by Garth Stein.