Another afternoon talk show dedicated to fitting women’s bras. Why don’t men have this issue with tighty whities? boxers? lift and seperate? these are better with jeans…or these better with Dockers? I see many men hanging low as they sit liberally spread like a truck driver. It is not a good look.
Yet here we are women, enduring a Nordstrom 60 year old female sales associate cupping my water balloons, lifting and tossing up like a newly formed bowl of Jello Jigglers. Admittedly, I have bra phobia. Not only so I have to worry about my blacks matching, now I have to stress about overflowing my seam lines, drooping south, or seperating any back fat that may be lurking.
And let’s not forget the advice from Marge the sales associate. “You know, bras should be replaced every 8 to 12 months.” At $75 a pop!? For what? For less than a yard of engineering marvel? My underwires poke out almost on cue, pinching and stabbing me like some school yard bully. I’ve been known to pull one out in desperation wondering if my boobs are noticable uneven….one south, one somewhere in the midwest. And if they are “engineered” what is up with the fact that I cannot get anything in my cup size (huge) that isn’t PADDED!? I mean really….do I NEED to accentuate the fact I’ve got huge droopy boobs to the world by adding 2 inches of padding to an already engourged situation? Is it some bra design guy’s cruel jokes or perversion? AND are men or wee women really designing these things?
And the straps…oh the straps. Yanked up everyday to bear the load only to have them loosened to the southern starting point by the end of the day. Anyone try these out before designing them that isn’t a AA cup size ? I wear my smooth cotton shirt today, bra seam and all. Maybe my cowlick in my hair today will be a distraction.
[illustration: Kate Pabst 2008]