Got famously lost on my way to a funeral today.
Somehow I missed the highway I was supposed to turn on to. Funny, I don’t even recall what made me realize I missed it. I stopped in a gas station to let Joel pee and see how far we were from 19. Guess that’s how it started. I’m sure I was looking at the clouds again.
Turns out 14 was wonderfully interesting. In the middle of nowhere (know-where) –large cornfields, gravel road construction crews and long detours, I got behind every camper trailer, winnebego and semi truck in the state, How the hell did they even find that road? and WHERE was the campground? We were in the middle of a cornfield! Not even shoulders on this road.
I think I had my car up to almost 80 and still didn’t feel like I was moving till I passed a State Trooper driving on in the opposite direction. S@#!..I looked in my rear view mirror waiting to see the brake lights. Yep.
And the U-turn. Yep.
I was amazingly calm. What was I going to do? …pull off into the corn? There wasn’t even a crossroad for miles and miles. I felt like I was in my high school drivers ed class watch the simulator movie. The only thing missing was the red ball rolling out from behind a parked car with a kid chasing it.
He: You were going very fast
Me: Ug. I am lost and on trying to get to a funeral. (This time it was true)
Me: Ruthton. I’m looking for 23.
He: I’ll be right back
He disappears and I start laughing. I’m in a video game. Every possible hurdle I can encounter to slow me down. What else can happen! (I notice a nail in my back tire at the last gas station stop but I am in denial about it–it seems to be holding it’s air).
He: I’m going to let you off with a warning. Please slow down.
Me: Thank you thank you Thank you
He: 23 is straight ahead an hour
Two people from the heart of Minnneapolis in the middle of a cornfield somewhere in Minnesota at 1:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday. You can’t make that up.
I set my cruise control for the absurdly slow speed in the middle of nowhere (I never did see an actual speed limit sign) and watch the cracks in the road below me as I’m passing over them.